you traded sex for a burrito?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
