Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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