What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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