You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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