So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
