I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
