FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
