So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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