Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
