just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
