she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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