Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
