Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost the right to judge tonight
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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