I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
