i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
