Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
