Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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