i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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