I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
