I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
