i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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