Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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