Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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