When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
