Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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