i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
