Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
