I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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