if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
