Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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