So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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