I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
