And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
