Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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