@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
