Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
