you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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