Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
