My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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