how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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