69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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