literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
