Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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