wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
