If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
