He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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