She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
