wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You made out with two different species that night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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