I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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