We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
