you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
